In this month’s mentor column, I mentor myself.
I’ve been on a near three-month break from writing anything besides the occasional Substack post or journal entry. It started as an intentional pause, with a fairly defined end point. (Erin Flanagan wrote about this once: how to take a productive break from your writing.) When I reached the date I was supposed to start writing again, I thought I was ready. I was looking forward to it, in theory. That day, I had childcare, an outlined project, and a cup of coffee, and on my way to my writing room I stopped at the pile of Christmas gifts in the basement, sat down, and spent the entire day wrapping them and watching Project Runway. The next day, I convinced myself that I needed to get some extra presents, obviously wrap them, and cook something, and do some cleaning, and oops the day was done. On the third day, I finally sat with my discomfort for long enough to acknowledge what was going on: I didn’t want to write.
I felt daunted by the realization. But thankfully, I had the good fortune of being on a group call with Molly Millwood, author of To Have and to Hold, when she mentioned that January is coming, and it’s a really inspiring and motivating time of year to get back into a good habit.1 I completely agree with her: even if everyone around me isn’t trying to get back on the writing horse, lots of people are doing something aimed at improving their health or happiness in January. It’s a great time of year to get motivated to make positive changes–a great time to fall back in love with writing. And if you’re looking to do that too, or otherwise shore up your routine or start one for the first time, here’s my collection of all the things I’ve done in the past to let myself enjoy writing and make it a habit. But if this post isn’t for you, no hard feelings–the first person I’m making this list for is myself.
*~* Mindset *~*
Diagnose the problem
I love journaling and therapy and all forms of self-reflection. To that end, I have done Julia Cameron’s program from The Artist's Way once all the way through and also piecemeal as needed; it’s full of tools for creatives. The best, for me, is her morning pages practice. Here’s Julia’s own description of the method. In short, you start your day by handwriting your stream-of-consciousness for three pages. I’ve cycled through periods of doing my “MPs” religiously and long droughts where I didn’t do them once for months. I’ve also used the general idea of them to warm up for writing.
Last week, I did my pages on that third day and finally started admitting on paper that I was really resisting working on another novel. I was feeling defeated by another rejection (that novel I wrote over the summer was not received well) and scared to try again. The voice of my inner censor was stopping me from even starting. (An early teaching in The Artist’s Way is that we may have a voice in our heads who criticizes our work and/or ambitions and can make us feel blocked up when we try to create. For me, I did some of Julia’s exercises around this concept and found it helpful to diagnose the problem of why I haven’t been writing.)
Treat the problem
Before I started writing regularly in 2017, I wanted to write and thought about writing but very rarely did it. (I have an old journal entry from 2016 where I wrote that I’d just spent a Sunday afternoon working on a short story and I wanted to spend more time doing creative writing…and then I didn’t do it again for over a year!) I think the problems were these: writing was a vague interest that had to compete with lots of other interests; I wasn’t compelled to write something specific; and I wasn’t in the habit of writing in the absence of that compulsion to tell a specific story.
In late 2017, I had an idea for a novel, which fixed one of those problems. I started reading about how to write a novel, and I started reading for pleasure every day, and my vague interest in stories started to morph into something more powerful. I started to fantasize about being an author–specifically, being the kind of person who was bold enough to actually put in the work of writing a novel. Then I started getting up to write before work, and the more I did it, the more my passion for writing grew and the more I felt like I couldn’t live without it.
Medicinal mantras
This time, “treating the problem” has had me using mantras.
Julia Cameron advises you to write personal mantras to read every day.
Just kidding, here comes my favorite one. In addition to using some of Julia’s and writing some of my own, I’ve taken a famous Maya Angelou quote as a mantra. In a 1973 interview by Bill Moyers, Bill asked Maya, if she had a daughter, what advice would she give to her about living in our society? Among other things, Maya said, “I would say you might encounter many defeats but you must never be defeated, ever. In fact it might even be necessary to confront defeat. It might be necessary, to get over it, all the way through it, and go on.”2 The first time I heard this quote years ago, the gist of it stuck in my head: defeat is external; being defeated is internal.
This past week, I’ve been starting my writing time by saying, aloud, something along the lines of: “I’ve experienced some defeat, but I am not defeated,” or even, “I’m learning how not to be defeated.”
^ My next set of mantras, for when my current ones get crusty.
Seek support
In addition to having a kickass husband, a great therapist, and a really supportive network of family and friends, I also have incredible writer friends. Talking to them about this stuff is really helpful, because to some degree, it’s universal. I find it especially helpful to talk to friends who make me laugh while we piss and moan about the publishing industry or how hard it is to write after you’ve had a baby or whatever it is that’s going on, but who leave me feeling hopeful and like trying again.
There was a long period where I found a writing group to be really helpful to having a sense of community and support. During the pandemic the group went virtual and I found it hard to get myself to attend, and I eventually fell out of going to the meetings, but I’ll never discount how great that group was for me. That group call I mentioned earlier was the last of a series of Zoom meetings with other writers organized by Donna Freitas through her Substack, The Plot Doctor. It ended up feeling like a support group in the best way.
+++ Routine +++
More than anything else, I miss my regular practice of writing. What about it was working for me?
Routines only work if they’re sustainable
A writing retreat or some other kind of intensive experience is great for a short period of time, but if I want to reinvigorate my routine (and boy do I), it’s gotta be sustainable. If I’m going to get six hours of sleep a night, or force myself to write when I’m sick, or regularly miss something important to me, it’s not going to last and become a routine that serves my life. I need at least seven hours a night; I need to rest when I’m sick; I need to see my family and friends and get my other shit done. My old routine worked great because I’d skip writing if I had a terrible night’s sleep. (Can you tell that sleep is important to me?)
Take advantage of your best energy.
For me, that’s writing in the morning. (Hence all the sleep talk.) Whenever I’ve fallen off the writing wagon, I’ve been skipping my early wake-up date with writing. This was true even when I was writing “full time” in 2020, with no other employment or child-care obligations. For some reason, I have been happiest when I got up early and started my day with writing. I think it’s because my creative energy is best then, and my selfishness is most intact–I don’t feel beholden to anyone else yet!
Make time.
In my life, the easiest time of day to add time is in the morning, by getting up early to write when I’d otherwise be sleeping. And “make the time” includes “actually get up when your alarm goes off.” Going back to mindset issues, until it’s habitual, I find it nearly impossible to get up early if I don’t have a strong reason in my head…one that can compete with whatever reason my tired brain offers as an excuse to turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. (Another trick I used for a while is something I learned from Mel Robbins: when you want to get up early but know your mind is going to start scanning for reasons to stay in bed the second it’s alert enough to think, say “5-4-3-2-1-blast off!” and swing your legs out of bed before you finish thinking or saying the phrase. It sounds silly but I swear it worked for me!)
When I worked full time, I would sometimes write during lunch. Not every day, but on special occasions where I felt like stealing away from the law to sit in a cafe with my manuscript.
I know some people have a surge of creative energy at night and enjoy writing after they’re off the clock from work and/or kids. I do tend to have some of this, but I’m happier when I write in the morning and just take the occasional note down at night.
Ask for time.
For me, I have always told Ben what I wanted to do and asked him for his help. Back in 2017, that meant he was in charge of our dog in the morning while I wrote. Now, he’s in charge of our daughter whenever she wakes up. I also ask him to encourage me to get up if it seems like I’m hesitating after the alarm goes off.
I can’t remember if I ever took vacation time to write, but I might have, and I think that falls into this category. You don’t have to tell your boss you’re writing a novel, but I actually told the lawyers I worked for and with about The Damage while I was writing it from 2017-2019, and they thought it was cool. Of course, trust your instincts on this one; there’s no need to say why you’re taking time off!
!!! Actually writing !!!
First off, butt-in-chair is half the battle, if not more. Staring at a blinking cursor is writing. Bad writing is writing. It’s been said so many times, but I do believe those creatives who say that you have to show up consistently if you expect (1) inspiration or (2) improvement.3
But here are some additional tools I’ve used in the past to get started or keep going when I was having an off day in terms of actual writing.
Start with a ritual that you associate with writing
This is another place the morning pages can come in. I find it super helpful to brain dump my thoughts (especially to-dos) when I’ve got a lot of competing distractions. Then I tend to flow into free-writing about whatever project I’m working on.
I also, at times, have found it really helpful to do another small ritual before the morning pages, such as say a mantra or light a candle in this bird-shaped candle holder I have. For me, lighting the bird candle is a reminder of Anne Lamott’s lesson that you have to take things bird by bird, meaning one small piece at a time. (Rather than sit down to write a novel, sit down to write a scene, or even part of a scene. The candle reminds me that I don’t have to think of the task that day as an overwhelming one, but also reminds me I’m engaging in a long process.)
The Pomodoro method; or, a timer
When I was a lawyer, I learned and sometimes used the pomodoro technique, which is a specific timer method for working. The gist of the method is that you set a timer for 25 minutes and work on one specific task for all 25 minutes. Don’t allow interruptions (don’t take calls; tell visitors you’ll be free in X minutes; and note any to-dos that pop into your head on a designated piece of scratch paper). After 25 minutes, take a 5-minute break. Do another 25, and then take a 10 minute break. If you’re still working, you might do another 25 and 5.
The idea behind the 25-minute chunks of work is that it’s the ideal amount of time to get deeply focused but not tired. You can find oodles of info about it online if you’re interested; there’s also a book by the creator, Francesco Cirillo. Obviously, you might experiment with other times. (Shorter if you’re really struggling; longer if not.)
When I’m having trouble putting down words, I’ll do the technique and force myself to write anything while the timer is going, and it usually helps me break through.
Outline the scene
When I don’t know how to write what’s actually happening, I find it really helpful to write something sparse in a slightly different tense. Like, if I know my character Caitlin really needs to effing write her novel, instead of starting by writing what looks like an actual scene (in third person close past tense), I might type: “Caitlin goes into her office and really needs to write but she’s stalling because she’s afraid she sucks. And just when she’s about to press a finger to the key something happens…maybe her phone rings, or someone knocks on the basement window? Oh, the roof could cave in, because it was raining in the last scene.” And then when I’m out of excuses and the scene is outlined, I might be ready to try writing it.
Field trip or other fun research
This partly goes to mindset (and letting myself enjoy writing), but I find it helpful to occasionally take a field trip or do some kind of research that is unabashedly fun. I have taken full-day field trips to real-life novel settings. I take a notebook, my phone, and a novel-specific playlist, and I take copious notes, voice notes, photos, and videos. I talk to people I run into (or make dates with people in advance). I’ve also gone out for shorter trips to places that could simply serve as inspiration for a scene–a restaurant, a river, or a nearby town (all real examples). I’ve driven around in the snow and taken voice notes on what it’s like to drive in the snow. All of these little trips were so healing and fun, in addition to enriching whatever I was working on.
I’ve also had Zoom dates and taken people to coffee, lunch, and dinner to ask them questions about things I think they might know. Some of these people were straight-up strangers I emailed out of the blue. Others were friends and former professors and bosses. These conversations were so fun and kept me connected to others in what can be the very lonely pursuit of writing a novel.
This is everything I can think of that I’ve ever done to help myself along, and I plan to use every bit of it (though not all at once) to get my groove back, because I miss my groove. I’m not chasing writing out of obligation—I feel like myself when I’m in the rhythm of writing. If you’re looking for it too, I hope you find it, and I wish you a Happy New Year of writing.
If you have any advice, please share in the comments, asking for MYSELF!!!!
Lastly, a photo I took of my nephew (who is now 19) tromping through the snow many, many winters ago.
Peace, babies.
The full title of Molly’s book isTo Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma.
The entire interview is a treasure trove. Here’s the portion with the quote:
BILL MOYERS: You had a son, who is now 27, I guess.
MAYA ANGELOU: A fantastic son.
BILL MOYERS: If you had a daughter, ten or 12 years of age, what would you say to her about growing up in this society?
MAYA ANGELOU: Oh, well, first, if I had a daughter — I’m at the point of adopting a child now, since I have no child in the home, and I love them — I respect all of them, white and black. My child I hope would be black because I have so much I can teach her and pull out of her. I would say you might encounter many defeats but you must never be defeated, ever. In fact it might even be necessary to confront defeat. It might be necessary, to get over it, all the way through it, and go on. I would teach her to laugh a lot. Laugh a lot at the — at the silliest things and be very, very serious. I’d teach her to love life, I can bet you that.
In that group call I mentioned, I shared my Maya Angelou quote, and Molly shared this one of Maya's: “What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks ‘the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat,’.... And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, ‘Okay. Okay. I’ll come.’”
This post inspired me to go searching for one of my most loved quotes from Patricia Highsmith which—interestingly enough—I’ve searched for in the last year but couldn’t find! It must have been waiting for this moment to reappear. Here’s the magic quote from the author of The Talented Mister Ripley: “You should have the feeling, as every experienced writer has, that there are more ideas where that one came from, more strength where the first strength came from, and that you are inexhaustible as long as you are alive.” I definitely need that on a mixtile, next to my favorite meme-ish photo of a little turtle trying to eat a huge strawberry.
PS I miss Thirty Rock!