Two boats and a helicopter but make it Writing
In which I probably stretch an analogy but let's go
Before today’s (belated) installment, Andromeda and I wanted to let you all know that we’ve moved to an every-two-weeks posting schedule. We’ve been talking a lot about ideal posting frequency and noticing our own inboxes getting fluffy with newsletters. We’ve always strived for a quality-over-quantity approach here, and we’ll be trying this new schedule for the foreseeable future. That said, we welcome feedback (not to mention guest posts!!!) so feel free to let us know what you think in the comments or by replying to the email.
Do we all know the two-boats-and-a-helicopter story?
Where the floodwaters are rising, the guy is on the roof, one boat comes by and then another, and then a helicopter, and each time the guy says he doesn’t need a ride out of there because God will save him, and then he drowns, and he meets God and says he’s always been faithful, so why didn’t God save him, and God says “what else did you want from me? I sent two boats and a helicopter!”
Lately I’ve been thinking a bit like that guy, but about my own identity as a writer. Let me explain!
I finished a first draft of a new novel in May and had a baby in June. In August and September I started two part-time jobs (one teaching, one practicing as an attorney again). I’ve been happy with all these new pieces of my life: happy mothering my new daughter and navigating the changes she has brought to our family, and, to my surprise, happy to be working again outside of novel writing.
The only thing I haven’t figured out is how to fit in writing. I feel like I’m juggling the perfect number of pins, and I don’t know how to add another without dropping one. And yet, I’m not satisfied to just leave the writing pin on the floor. Not writing has made me feel an occasional discontent with my identity. The thought process goes like this: writers write. If I don’t write, I’m not a writer. I haven’t been writing, and therefore I am not a writer. Since I started working four months ago, I have probably spent a grand total of five hours or less actively editing my novel, typing in the document. And when I think about that lone fact, I feel like I’ve disconnected from this really important part of my identity, and it makes me feel dissatisfied with a life that is, in reality, super satisfying to me. I get this panicked voice in my head that says, “You’re not a writer anymore! What if you never figure out how to fit it back in?”
But just the other day I noticed something. It was a Wednesday, which is normally a day I spend at the law office supporting litigation partners by writing motions and doing research for them. Instead, I’d learned about an online training through my teaching job where I teach mental health case law to forensic psychologists. The training sounded like it would educate me about an aspect of the novel I’m writing, and so I decided to move my work schedule around, beg my mom and aunt for an extra day of baby care, and take this day-long Zoom training. On that Wednesday, I spent five hours thinking about my novel, taking notes, and planting the seeds of ideas that might germinate between now and whenever I’m “actively” editing again.
You can probably already see what I’m going to say–what it is that I realized. No, I haven’t been working on the novel, on paper, deleting words and adding new ones. But I have been reading other books for pleasure, and as I’ve read, I’ve thought a lot about the author’s craft. And I’ve been reading dense records and extracting facts and shaping them into narratives that support what we’re asking the court to do in the cases I’m working on. And I’ve been reading landmark case law, teaching the story of the case and the outcome, and hearing from my students how those rules have affected the cases they’ve worked on.
I realized I have been writing.
I’m like that guy on the roof waiting for God, i.e. waiting to be writing, totally missing that I am writing. The boats are here: they’re drafting persuasive motions, and reading novels, and teaching cases, and taking classes of my own. Writing is already here!1
It won’t be too long, in the grand scheme of my life, before I have time to be regularly, actively editing my novel. But in the meantime, I can either sit in the rain on the roof and curse the writing that isn’t showing up, or I can hop in a boat and read a great novel, or listen to a lecture, or appreciate the storytelling practice I’m getting at work.
I’m sharing this in the hopes that it helps someone else reframe how things are going. As the year comes to a close many of us get super busy with holidays and end-of-year activities and simultaneously start analyzing ourselves, looking for things to improve and feeling like there isn’t the time to do it. Now’s not a bad time to remember that we might be doing better than we think, and so many things in creative life (and life in general) come down to our frame of mind.
Fellow writers, what non-writing things do you do that make you feel like a writer? And maybe a trickier one…readers: what non-reading things do you do that make you feel like a reader in your soul?! (All responses helpful so I can read them and be like “okay yes I do that too.”)
I thought I was going to make a Waiting for Guffman joke here but then I remembered that’s really the opposite of how that movie ends.
Loved this. On a smaller scale, I frequently realize (and forget and re-realize) that time I've spent not writing, and yet purposefully THINKING was actually more productive than just standing in front of a screen and adding and deleting words. This last week we had a major power outage for several days and on my favorite of those days, when my husband couldn't go to work due to the storm, I actually got to sit (in the cold and dark house) and muse aloud about my novel revision. When new insights started percolating, I was tempted to race back to the laptop, but alas, the laptop was dead. Which was GREAT. More time for thinking! Instead of premature fiddling!
I love that your legal knowledge and background fully informs your writing and I can't wait to read your next novel, Caitlin--but there's also no rush. Thanks for sharing.
Non-writing things totally count as writing because I really believe it ALL feeds the work! Like simply thinking about the book while taking a walk or listening to a certain playlist because it evokes the vibe of a WIP. If an activity gives me a way to touch the story in some way, it's as good as writing in my mind!